ADHD, Anxiety, and Three To-Do Lists Walk Into a Bar…

…and immediately start reorganizing the bar, alphabetizing the liquor bottles, and arguing over which to-do list to use for the rest of the night.

For most of my life, I thought ADHD meant being super hyper, bouncing off the walls, and never sitting still. I’m not like that, so I figured I was in the clear. No ADHD here, thanks.

Turns out, there’s more than one type. I have the inattentive kind, which is sneakier. It doesn’t show up as boundless energy, it hides in plain sight, tangled up with my anxiety, a sprinkle of depression, and tucked in with my Highly Sensitive Person teddy bear. Basically, my brain is like a crowded coffee shop where everyone is talking at once, and I’m the barista trying to keep up.

Over the years, I’ve coped by becoming highly organized. Sometimes overly so. My color-coded systems and endless lists are the only reason the wheels haven’t completely fallen off. Ironically, I can remember random details from 15 years ago, but don’t ask me what happened yesterday, that file is missing.

And clutter? Absolutely not. I cannot function in a messy space. If the house is a disaster, I can’t read, do my homework, or focus on anything until it’s clean. So I clean, get distracted by something else halfway through, and surprise! The homework still isn’t done. Is that ADHD? Anxiety? Probably both.

Here are a few other things I didn’t realize were ADHD until recently:

• Zoning out mid-conversation. You’re talking, I’m nodding, I’m with you… and suddenly my brain is like that meme where two adults are having a serious conversation and a toddler jumps in with something totally random. Except in my case, the toddler makes me start singing the Batman theme song for no reason.
• Starting things is hard. Even when I want to do them. It’s like my brain and my body are in separate group chats and no one’s checking the messages.
• Finishing things is hard. I start projects with all the excitement in the world and then my brain just leaves the group chat entirely.
• Procrastination. My brain works best when there’s a mild sense of impending doom.
• Hyperfocus → boredom in 3…2…1. I can fall into a new hobby like I’ve just found my life’s purpose and then forget it exists by next Tuesday.
• Owning more half-finished hobbies than I can count. My craft supplies, notebooks, and random project bins could open their own museum exhibit.
• Being terrible at answering messages. My family’s unofficial motto for me: She’ll either answer you right away or in 5–7 business days. There is no in-between.

Most of the time, I’m just winging it with three different to-do lists in one hand (because I couldn’t decide which one I liked more, so I’m using all of them) and a Dr Pepper in the other. But at least now I know my brain isn’t broken, it’s just wired a little sideways.